Coming Out of the Darkness

By Vernice Reyes, RScP

I wrote this piece on July 5th, I was inspired to write this after reading the reading

for this day, from 365 Days of Richer Living was “I receive my good” p 187.

“When I discover the inner kingdom, with its spiritual gifts, the

material gifts which shadow forth this inner kingdom will also make

their appearance. I now learn to forget the wrong that may have

appeared in my outer world, and, turning with gratitude to that inner

light, I think upon those things which are good. In doing this I

become emancipated from my own bondage.”

Sometimes in life things can just be what I call a bit “heavy”. This can be for

anything in life… family, work life, health, weight, finances, and relationships.

I titled this Coming Out of the Darkness because that is what I feel I am doing

as I write this. In the last month many experiences have transpired. Actually,

when I truly look at it…it has been more like six months.

I have traveled a journey of “letting go,”, an internal letting go. I left a job I loved

to take on another job I loved even more. The best decision I have made!! Yet,

what I did not realize, or I should say remember, is that when you love something

and let it go, there may be a period of grief that is hidden deep within.

I have experienced grief before! For instance, when I got divorced, when my

grandmother made her transition, and leaving a job I loved for another job I now

love. I forgot that grief applies to so many other things.

Now a freelancer, my new job employees me as a contractor not a staff position.

This new position had me traveling five times a year. At first when I was planning

on leaving my former job for this amazing new job experience, I knew that it

would not sustain me financially. But it was my dream job. In the meantime, I

thought that I had secured a permanent freelance position with another local

company. However, that did not pan out quite the way we both thought it would

(“we” meaning me and this other company).

All of this culminated into my sadness and depression. Even though I was sad, I

knew deep down there had to be a reason this opportunity would not come to

fruition. I just did not know the reason at that time. Often it takes time to know

and see the true reasonings behind when things do not unfold as we think.

I secured freelance work that brought me back to the employer I had originally

left — which was great. I truly missed the work that I was doing at my old

company. But I was really loving my new travel job more. I kept on with my daily

spiritual practice always remembering that there is a reason for what was

transpiring, Divine Right Timing.

At the time, I did not realize that even though I was so OVER THE MOON about

my new travel job and upcoming adventures, I was grieving my old job. I

could feel a piece of me not aligned within my body. I would wake up feeling sad,

actually depressed. I would say to myself things are good, but why do I feel so

sad? I did not realize I was grieving! I knew I was sad, not even so much the

depression at first. I started to gain weight and detach my Spiritual Self. That’s

when I realized something was going on within me, something I was not seeing.

Being a Practitioner, we do a lot of inner work which is why I knew it was within. I

felt a heaviness like this cloud over my head which was actually over my heart.

Even though the sadness and depression were not daily, in my face, it was riding

low underneath the surface wreaking havoc slowly.

At the same time there were family situations, there were relationship situations,

there were financial situations, but most of all there were my inner spiritual

situations that needed attention.

It was time to take a deep dive. I love taking these deeper dives, but OMG!!!, it

can be scary. I knew things were going to come up, yes things that are NOT often

pretty. But I know I had been here before, taking that deeper dive truly

brings so much relief once you swim through it. So, I put on my water

goggles (spiritual practice) and my snorkel (meditation and prayer) and I

did the deep dive.

During my meditation, I swan around my inner body. Making my way to my Gut, I

realized that my Gut was out of alignment, it was in knots, my whole body was

out of alignment. What I realized was loving something with your whole heart, it

can be hard to let it go. Realizing that something is no longer a part of you can be

a very difficult experience. During the meditation, Spirit said, “remember young

lady you made this choice! “

So now, I am just coming out of the darkness. I didn’t realize the full scope of

what was happening way below the surface of my own Being. What I did know

was that I was uncomfortable on the inside as well as on the outside. As I

continued on my journey with all that was going on deep within me, I still had fun

and did life as I do. Still doing my work, seeing my practitioner, taking classes,

and doing my daily spiritual practice to stay connected to the One.

As it happens, one day in May I was hired for a job by my former employer. The

next day I felt something churning in my “Gut”, in the meantime, I was preparing

to leave with my travel job — I was so excited! There was still an uncomfortable

feeling in my gut. So, I sat in my meditation chair relaxing trying to dive into that

feeling of being uncomfortable, to recognize it and heal it. What came through

were these words, “let that company go, let go, let go you are blocking your

good, you are holding on to something that is NO LONGER YOURS!!!”

WOW!! I said out loud. And the tears just fell from my eyes.

After a few moments I got myself together I said, “yes spirit I am ready to let go,

this is no longer mine.” I allowed all that heaviness to just wash away from my

inner and outer being. I felt such a sense of relief, a sense of peace and calm.

As I sat in the airport for my flight, checking my emails I got an email from my

travel employer. Right there in black and white was my new schedule for the rest

of the year. So, including the five jobs that I already knew about, now it included

different cities every other weekend until the end of the year!! YES!!! YES!!!

YES!!! I felt such joy and gratitude. What I recognized was that Spirit was

waiting on me to let go so it could bless me with all my good. Another thing I

realized was what a blessing that I did not commit to the other job.  Here’s the

kicker, I work for them regularly when I am home from my travel job.

Sometimes we stand in our own way, we want things to go our way, but they are

not meant to go that way, or we hold on too long and block our good. Like a bent

hose, once you unbend the hose the water comes gushing out. Once I truly let

go, I made space for Divine goodness to flow through me. Even when it looks like

things are not working out for us, we need to step back, sit in our prayer chair, do

our spiritual practice, and remember that the Universe is always conspiring for

our good.

I now have come out of the darkness!

And so it is.